I had said a few weeks back on my FB that i was going to discuss my past relationships and the affect they have had on my life as far as helping me grow and become who I am today. Lets start from the beginning......
Mike
This was my first love, my highschool, well after high school sweetheart. The first guy EVER to look past my Trich and and publicly be with me. We dated for a while during my senior year, his sophmore year then broke up. Right after graduation we started going out again. I loved him more than any teen girl could love a boy. He was my best friend, my partner in crime, my 1st. You never forget your first right? I was his 1st too and without the details I will tell you he made my first time one of the most memorable experiences of my life, the kind that melts your heart and warms your souls and lets you know you are truely loved.
During my time with him, I became that girl...the liar, the cheater, the whore. I had a coming out or coming of age while we were together, all of a sudden I was being desired by men and Mike's love for me should have been enough but it wasn't. I cheated on him every chance I got and hated myself everytime, but I never said no. During our 3 years together I was able to see how happy and loved I could make someone feel and the pain, and destruction my careless actions could bring to another soul.
We moved away together and outside of the confines of our lil town our relationship could not survive. We broke up, he hates me now, always will. And I don't blame him. I am thankful for the love he showed me, thankful that I waited to give myself to someone who was truely worthy of me, thankful he waited for me. I did ALOT of growing during our time together, and he will always have a lil special place in my heart and my memories. I still have a lil box that has pics of us, letters her wrote, drawings he made me. Shoot the tattoo in the middle of my back was drawn by him, so I carry a part of him with me always.
Vic
I do not even know where to begin with him. I met him through a friend and we began dating when Mike and I broke up. He was my rebound. We had so much fun together in the beginning. Partied all the time which is something I had never experienced before. We were drunk everyday, I went to work drunk, came home and drank more, partied all night, did drugs, you name it I was experienceing it. Next thing I know I am pregnant...So I did what I thought I was supposed to do and got an apartment with him. That is when the abuse started. It wasnt everyday at first. Only on the weekends when he was drunk firm his nights out at the bar. It started with a slap, or a choke, then turned into punches and kicks. I dreaded the weekends because i knew that by 2 am, it would begin. I never told anyone in the beginning what was happening. Who was I going to tell? My sis had her marriage, and my mom was in la la land so I endured. At about 5 months pregnant I started fighting back. He choked me and punched me in the stomach and it no longer became me I was protecting. I was protecting MY baby. So after that I fought back and he realized that I was much bigger and much stronger than he was so the abuse subsided and turned mostly verbal. During the rest of my pregnancy and after Taryn was born we fought like cats and dogs, everyday. He refused to keep a job or help with our daughter. It got old. I realized that trying to keep it together for Taryn so that she could have her dad in her life wasnt worth it. No child deserves to witness what she did in her first few years and if I was gonna do bad, I would do it by myself. My father raised me to be a strong woman and I will do the same for Taryn. I kicked him out and have never looked back. During my time with him, I learned what I will not put up with in a relationship. No man has ever since then or will ever raise a hand to me or my child. I wish him all the best in life and pray that one day he gets his shit together becsue he is missing out on a beautiful girl that I have been raising without him.
Brian
Say what you want, yes I fell in love with and married an inmate. And I wouldn't change a second of the time we spent together. Today and forever I will say yes, it was worth it, yes I would do it all again. He is one of the most intelligent and motivated people I have ever met. He made me want to be a better woman, mother, and person. Encouraged me to go back to school, to get a better job, to experience new things. No he had nothing to offer me but his mind and his heart and anyone who truely knows me knows that its all i need. I dont need a man with a flashy car or high paying job or fancy house, I can get those things myself, I need love, support, encourgement, someone to have my back, someone to be my best friend, someone to open my eyes to the world and I will tell you from day one, thats all Brian did for me. He did all of that and never asked for anything...not one thing in return. I will forever treasure him and his love for me and Taryn. He should be coming home soon, by that I mean being released, and I look forward to the day that we can see each other and talk here on the outside. He will forever be one of the best friends I have ever had. Even though we are divorcing, a part of me will always love him to. My first husband, the first man I would have layed down my life for, the first "DAD" Taryn ever knew.
Sam
Wow this girl. I don't even know where to begin with her. I will say this, she is the only woman I ever have and ever will love. We just got together at the wrong time in both of our lives. But she will forever be one of the best friends I have. I would to this day do anything, go anywhere, be anything she needs. I will have her back until the end of time. There is a special place in my life, my heart and my mind for her. I will always be there to hold her when she needs it and check her if she needs that too. We are brutally honest with each other and she will forever be my boo.
Joe
Oh Joe, he is a dork and I love the hell out of him. he came into my life at a point where I felt it was falling apart, a time when I was on my knees praying and begging God to help me get through another day. He from day one saw me at my absolute worst, broken, tired, wanting to end it. He saw a part of me that has been hidden from the entire world my whole life. My marriage was ending, my debt was climbing, my health mentally and physically was scaring me, I wanted to die and contemplated suicide everyday. Most men would have run from a crazy ass female like me. But you know what he did? He held me, he let me break down in his arms and completely fall apart. He swept all the broken peices into a pile and helped me put them back together. He began and ended everyday telling me how beautiful I am, how awesome I am, how good I am. He never let me beat myself up, and when I began to fall into my lil pit of darkness and held out his hand and pulled me back up. He has let me be weak when I am so used to always being the strong one. I can fall into his arms when I have no strength left and he carries me and becomes my strength. Man I love him. He has blessed me with a miracle that I have been praying for since Taryn, another baby. Our daughter, Leila. I can't wait for her to meet him, I know he will be a great dad to her and one day if they both want it, to Taryn. Yes he has his faults, we all do and yes together in our short time, we have had some rough situations, but we have come through them. He has showed me what it is like to not only have a man, but to have a partner, and Taryn has got to see how a man should treat a woman and no less. I am so looking forward to the future with him.
And there you have it. Short and sweet. The people that have made me who I am.
