My Skinny Munkey

Taryn is a character. She is 7 going on 25, too smart for her own good, stong willed, opinionated, hilarious, loving, caring, giving, emotional and very dramatic. She is perfect. Everything I think will make for a very sucessfull and important woman one day. I feel she is going to do great things in her life.
When I got pregnant I was sooo scared. I was 22, barely knew her father and didn't have my shit together at all. My pregnancy was rough, not physically but emotionally. My ex was beating the crap out of me and fighting everyday, my grandfather died, and we were broke. I think a lot of that is the reason I have always felt a bit of a disconnect with her. I was never able to "bond" with my baby because I was too busy trying to save us. I'm always too busy trying to save us even now.
My delivery was insane. I was induced on a Sunday, Aug 24th 2003 at 6 p.m. I had an allergic reaction to the medicine they used to soften my cervix. High fever, contractions off the chart and seizures. The next morning the started the Pitocin. I rememeber the labor not progressing at all! At about a 3 the doc came in and broke my water. Holy freakin pain. I was going to try and have a drug free delivery and i prob would have had it not been for the night before. It scared me to death. I got an epidural and crashed out. A lil before 5 p.m. I woke up to see the concern my sis was trying to hide on her face. Something was wrong with the baby. The doc came in and let me know they were going to do a c-section because the babys heartbeat was spiking. I had never had surgery before, I was so scared! By 5:20 I had a baby. I rememeber the doc sayin, "Look at those Lips!" as he pulled her out, and then 'Oh, she's peeing!" lol. She had the biggest, redest lips I had ever seen. She was snow white with black hair and green eyes. It looked like I had stolen her. She was beautiful!
She started talking when she was 10 months old. Her first word was backpack. She was walking by 11 months. By the time she was 2 she knew the abc's and could count to 10 in english and spanish. I cannot believe how smart she is! It amazes me everyday. She is great in math and reading. She has so much of me and her dad in her its crazy. She looks just like him and acts just like me.
When she was younger I always felt such a disconnect from her, like she wasn't really mine and her real mom was coming to get her. I hated myself for not being bonded to her. Sometimes I feel like I am still going through post partum depression. Then I watch her sleep and I love her a lil more everyday. It's been a slow process. Don't get me wrong, I love her more than life itself, and would give my last breath to her. But  I just feel off when it comes to the whole mom/daughter thing.
I can't wait to see how she is gonna look when she is a teen. Her face changes so much each year.
Crap...time to go home..ttyl