I decided to stop for a second and fill you in on some of the people in my life that have made me who I am.
Lets start with Mom..
My mom loved me the best way she knew how. As an adult raising my own child I know that now. Yes she messed up A LOT! But she tried. When my mom was on drugs when I was little, she was a monster. She will never admit to anything that happened but I know in her heart she knows. When my mom is clean, she is one of my best friends! She is a strong woman that holds a lot in, that's where I get it from. And man is she emotional! Let her wall come down and she is a blubbering mess at times. My mom has been through a lot in her life. The babymama of a murderer, the ex to a highly respected very demanding Black man, the mother of two nut cases and a sister to very complicated siblings. I love my mom til the end of time and will fight for her til I take my last breath.
Dad...
Wow...where do I start. Is it possible to grow up in a house with someone your whole life and not know anything about them. Ya know that song the Greatest Man I Never Knew, By Reba. That's me and my dad to a T. He worked his whole life to take care of us. But kept to himself. I know deep down he wanted a son and I grew up my whole life feeling he never loved me quite as much as he would had a been born a boy. I am his only daughter, his only child, but you would never know I exsited in his world it it weren't for the pictures hanging up in his house or the fact that I look exactly like him. With him its my way or the highway. You have to understand that to the people in this town my dad is AWESOME! Such a nice guy that will go out of his way to help anyone! Always willing to lend a hand or a dollar to those who need it. They are right, he is... To everyone whose name is not Tina. Yes I admit I am 29 yrs old and have MAJOR daddy issues. I'm just scratching the surface here. But imagine growing up with someone who told you that you are an embarrassement, compared you to your going to school for his PHD cousin(sorry J). I excelled at sports to win his approval. It worked! But when sports ended so did his approval. I have built myself up to be kicked back down numerous times, but like a kicked puppy, I crawl back always looking for his approval and wanting his love. Maybe, just maybe, someday.
Sister...
I love my sister. I love her more than I think she will ever know. She was my mother for a major part of our childhood and I think she resents me for it sometimes. She saved me from my mom when she could, but was smart enough to leave when she was old enough. Have you seen this girl? My sis is BEAUTIFUL! Great hair, high indian cheekbones. I adored watching her get ready for school when she lived with us. I wanted to look just like her when I grew up. That ended up giving me a lot of appearance issues. It was hard being the bald-headed little sister to such a beautiful girl. To this day a lot of people that don't know us do not believe that we are sisters, or even related. We are the exact opposite that is for sure! I enjoy my solitude where she loves her some "company". She has had a rougher time in her life being the daughter of her biological father. Even though I don't think she will ever admit, it has shaped who she is down to the core.
We butt heads alot she and I. She is very opinionated and not afraid to force feed you her opionion until you gag on it and puke or swallow it and do things her way. She is strong. And I love her. But she will never win an argument with me, because I am stonger. :)
This is a good post. Bout time I learned more about those who've influenced your life. Being a mother myself now to three very young kids, I watch myself censoring myself in front of them, just so I won't make those verbal mistakes that will scar my kids' mentalities like my mother did to me. You are lucky to have such a strong bond with your sister, my younger sister loathes me for the fact that I had to raise her in place of my mother.
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